i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
We talked him into tasing himself.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
