Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Randomize
