My first STD was from a foam party
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
You left your phone here
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