i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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