Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Im part way to drunk.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
