My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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