I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
