I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I have peed in a lot of sinks
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
