we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
