I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
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