Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
