i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
