After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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