At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
