No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Drunk is a universal language darling
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
