it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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