let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
