That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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