party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
