last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
