So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
