Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Randomize
