The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
