i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
