when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
