last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
