the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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