the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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