I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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