____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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