You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
