Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
