i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
