It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
