the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
