Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
