Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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