I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I need to calm my uterus...
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
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