Don't make out with my wife yet
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
