i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
