she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
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