My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
