we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
