I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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