Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
