Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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