I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
