I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
