i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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