i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
