I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
