and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
try to milk me bitch
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
