Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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