3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
They took my balls.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
