We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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