Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
