We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
