when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
