OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
