I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
