You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
