capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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