4 words: hood of his car
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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