Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
