You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
