So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
