Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
