Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
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