$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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