you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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