she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
