I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
