Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Randomize
