And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
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