a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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