Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
