I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
