what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize