He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
