i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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