I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
