Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize