woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
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