i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
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