U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
