His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
