Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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