I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
