Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
How does it feel to date your dad?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
