My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
