I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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