That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
