Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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