I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize