i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
