ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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