sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Boobs speak an international language.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
