i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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