yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
